I have been pacing since 2/22/22
Some animal part of me is on the alert
The constant agitation is shaking up old stories
Waking up old vices
Looking for distractions
Hungry for the things that will never satiate
Terrified
The human condition is alive in me
I am out of my depth
Again
And when I say again the
terror rises back up because
is this really even progress
or some sick kind of game?
But I am here
either way
and I know that I can
meet myself anew in this.
Hello, self.
I weep at the gravity
and the levity
Both trying to occupy this vessel at once
I’ll see your vices and raise you…
and rise
in 11 minutes
I will knock softly
on bedroom doors
Where small versions of me
will cringe at the sleepiness of morning
while I sing and cook and clean
read nice things to them
send them off with kisses and sweet words and
trust their journeys
to the divinity inside them
I will walk then
toward the mountains, toward the sunrise
soft rainbow mittens keeping my hands warm
I am here
And the only thing, really
Is to choose
to be satisfied.