I Am Here

I have been pacing since 2/22/22

Some animal part of me is on the alert

The constant agitation is shaking up old stories

Waking up old vices

Looking for distractions

Hungry for the things that will never satiate


The human condition is alive in me

I am out of my depth


And when I say again the

terror rises back up because

is this really even progress

or some sick kind of game?

But I am here

either way

and I know that I can

meet myself anew in this.

Hello, self.

I weep at the gravity

and the levity

Both trying to occupy this vessel at once

I’ll see your vices and raise you…

and rise

in 11 minutes

I will knock softly

on bedroom doors

Where small versions of me

will cringe at the sleepiness of morning

while I sing and cook and clean

read nice things to them

send them off with kisses and sweet words and

trust their journeys

to the divinity inside them

I will walk then

toward the mountains, toward the sunrise

soft rainbow mittens keeping my hands warm

I am here

And the only thing, really

Is to choose

to be satisfied.

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